AWAKENING….!!

By now Swadha and Kudrat were Message buddies. They use to exchange messages every half hour. And if the interval exceeds it causes the restlessness on the waiting side. Swadha who hardly was a tech savvy couldn’t keep hands off  from her phone. And Kudrat who was a tech freak now only uses the message app in his phone. The situation was mutual since their first exchange of message when Swadha was ill and absent from her office and Kudrat texted her to ask if he could text her.

It was one Saturday Swadha hadn’t replied any of Kudrat’s messages since Friday evening. Kudrat was certainly restless due to this sudden absence of beep tone on his Nokia 7670. He in his mind got worried and restless even angry sometimes “He thought he will talk tough to her when next time they meet, he would not even reply her messages, she didn’t even cared to reply a good morning”. Thoughts prevailed in his mind till the time he didn’t received a text from her “See me in my office post lunch around 2PM”. He felt impulsive. He wanted to write a rude reply he even typed few words to answer such a straight and dry message of hers after such a long interval. But he didn’t, he waited to meet her. By 2 PM he reached her office on first floor of SIFA building. A large room with see through glasses all the side and painting placed allover around the back of wall kept on floor resting towards wall. There were about 150 paintings in that room, work of best passed out artists of the institute. It was a virtue to see it. He sat down on the chair beside a table and waited for Swadha she came back from class and sat quite across the table. Her face was mysterious a kind of “something is going on in her mind” look on her face. And trust me such face is a remarkable alarm for a guy specially when the girl is wise and mature.

She stated with a statement “things are not normal” Kudrat wondered what the heck is going on. She said things are not normal between us Kudrat, Kudrat said “ I am normal you are normal what’s wrong. She then took a deep breath and started speaking “yesterday I met Vanraj (Vanraj is the guy Swadha is dating since last two years he is graphic designer and creative specialist, Kudrat is aware of his presence in Swadha’s life but for the first time they are actually talking about him) he just went across your messages in my Mobile phone while surfing through it generally and read all the messages in my box sent by you. You asking about my health, caring for my food, asking if I had tea, how is my headache, writing me a lullaby just because a told you am not feeling sleepy at night, telling me its full moon and I should see the moon its beautiful, asking me if I have reached home safely, telling me I am looking good with my open hairs, Blue kurti looks amazing on me, Canteen keeper tries to flirt with me I shouldn’t entertain him and you feel like breaking his nose and above all sending goodnight and good morning wishes everyday without a fail since last one and a half month. Vanraj didn’t find it normal, to him you are just another person from my workplace who is way younger to me just like my any other student. He didn’t find it normal at all, Kudrat’s face was flash red, he yelled in disgrace, he felt like it was a sudden awakening call, as they were sleeping and dreaming in wonderland till now. “so you are facing problems in your personal life due to me??” he said furiously “Its not you, you are not the problem its me, the thing which bothered him more was I replied each text of yours without a fail”, this bothered him more. Swadha said with a little higher pitch.“So your boyfriend or I guess even you don’t know what does it means to have good friends” his voice was cold and calm now. As if he doesn’t want to argue. Swadha leaned her back towards the chair and rested for few seconds while Kudrat kept on looking at her heavenly face with grimace and questions in his eyes. She then said “ Look Kudrat, if he felt things are not on a right track we have to see it, he never stopped me from talking to you or anybody, yesterday he just said that I should keep distance from you or else I will get hurt”. I just want you to understand my point of view. In fact my staff members and collogues and parents have also mentioned my excess involvement with my ringing device, but I don’t know why I didn’t realized it before”. Because you know that you are not doing anything wrong, you like talking to me we are good friends what’s wrong with that?? He ask her like a kid tone in his voice. “Don’t like talking to me, texting me, do you think its wrong”. Its not about right ot wrong Kudrat you need to understand, I am connected to few people in my life and Vanraj is one of them” . Am saying you not text me am just asking you limit things, habit and excess of anything is harmful. As soon as Swadha mentioned the world “love” is what she feels for Vanraj, Kudrat had a lightning in his mind, he felt everything collapsing around him, he wanted to shout louder and tell her what he feel for her, tears almost travel their distance to the edge of his eyes but he controlled them. Kudrat got from chair and kneel towards her from across the table and rested his hands on the corners. He said “am not a coward, am friend I don’t find anything bad in sharing my thoughts with you I will follow what you said but if you really think am wrong or things between us are wrong say me once and I will make things the way as if they never existed but if you think you are not wrong, we are not wrong”. I will text the way I did…. And to reply me is completely your call”, a peon entered to call her for director’s office. She got up in hurry looking towards watch and realizing that they discussed it for more than hour. Without saying much she left the room. Kudrat sat there for a while, he took out his cell phone and wrote, “ Sorry, between all this debate I forgot to ask you weather you had food?? And white seriously looks stunning on you”.. as soon as Swadha received the text she replied in the same pace. “yeh I had food and thanks for the compliment”. Both of them realized it’s really difficult to eradicate this habit so gradually, a small chuckle travelled through their faces and then they only exchanged smiley’s.

How wonderfully a text message can change your mode and focus, They both are experiencing it. They shared every small and big detail of daily happenings and it was just their way to say.. I was waiting for you and am here for you whenever you need me.

The Initial Talking…….

It has been mid of summer by now. The rowdy Delhi summers were smitten by the hot “Loo” and days were warmer than never before in the year. So were the feelings in Kudrat’s heart. It was his first assignment in his PR Company which coincidentally bumped into him the very day he met his lady luck or love, He brought in the work of exhibition for Sarvopalli Institute of Fine Arts popularly known as SIFA. Samar was equally enthusiastic for the work of exhibition because he was first time staging his work publicly. Kudrat being good at his attributes was in process of taking do’s and don’ts of the event and experiences of Swadha, as she was having altogether experience of 10 to 12 such exhibitions in her entire carrier of 6 years, this made easy for Kudrat to spend lot of time in company of Swadha if not in person then through telephone,. Once through a meeting between Swadha, Kudrat and Director of SIFA Mr. Raman Bhattacharya , a vibrant personality, man in his mid forties, great  smile and enthusiasm that could complex any youngster. Mr. Raman always adored Swadha as a very simple, sweet, Wise and hard working employee of his organization. During that meeting in between some documents Kudrat got a chance to run through resume of Swadha he quickly gave a glance to a three page long resume which counted about 11 different organizations which she has switched in 6 years and lot of free lance projects added to it. For the first time he discovered the exact age of Swadha and learned she is 4 years elder than him. But he just sighed if it could change his feelings and the way his heart, mind and body drifts when she is around. But now he has learned to control that revelation and kept himself normal. All he has to do was to avoid any kind of eye contact with her and strictly any kind of physical contact even touching of hands by mistake could ruin all his patience it wasn't any physical craving of sex appeal which derived him, But it was over whelming and not negligible. In short it wasn't normal!! it use to astonish him from foot to toe. And Kudrat could not stand any kind of notification from her side. It would made him nervous; Kudrat made it very obvious for her to understand that there is something wrong with him. But he never could understand why she doesn't say anything as if she doesn’t notices him at all. Though he always knew she dose. She was a big mystery to him.

It was Wednesday, Swadha and Kudrat were to attend a meeting with Manager at Indian International Center for finalizing the exhibition gallery. He reached out of her office around 2PM post lunch. He called up on her cell phone no body answered, then he rang up on her office land line a peon answered the phone and said “ Sawdha madam to aaj ayin nahe hain” (Swadha ma’m is not present  in office today). Kudrat got worried due to her sudden fade away. He never texted her before, for the first time he texted her.

Kudrat- “Ma’m can I text you”. that’s how the sweetest SMS story started between Kudrat and Swadha.  He in his mind thought that this is the most stupid thing he has ever texted to anybody in his life. Before that their telephonic conversations were quite professional. After around half hour he received a reply back from Swadha – “sure sure anytime”. Swadha always treated him like a junior moreover a kid she always tried maintaining that difference of age between Her and Kudrat which was almost negligible due to her sweet, short and charming personality which no doubt always complemented her presence beside Kudrat, Once walking out of the gate of institute the poor child beggar was hovering around both of them chirping like a bird “kuch dedo mai, Bhagwan apka Jodi salamat rakhey” (please give me some money, may god bless the couple) and Kudrat could easily recall the incident which brought a cute chuckle to his face a blood flushed out of her cheeks leaving them all red due to shyness.

IS THIS LOVE……??

Does it take a special kind of feeling to realize you are in love? Well my answer will be no. Feelings does not require realization all they require is just a moment in which you could feel that only feeling you ever wanted to feel (oh…yes its complicated). In practicality we can’t lean upon signals like- slow breeze brushing around your hairs, Lighting or thunder in the sky, rain all of sudden or any other sign which our heart perpetually wants to believe but it really doesn’t exist.

Our daily mundane life does not support too much fiction. In life of dust and dirt, profits and losses, sales and marketing, bearish and bullish… Love is either in bed or bullshit. What we denote bookish love “true romancing” guess does not exist anymore, All it happens sometimes when you have time either in some coffee shop waiting for your client, a silent ride on a metro while you are alone in the middle of crowd, driving alone your way back to home in your car, listening a song somewhere which reminds you of them and those special moments with them. That’s it, rest is still caught in as a layer of jam in between the bread and butter of life. But yes you do realize love around you when you are walking alone counting your footsteps, Listening to a song on radio which you dedicated them, when you are eating alone in your office cafeteria, you see the flower and you want to buy them but you don’t, you see something beautiful or something which really excites you like: a flight taking off, a rainbow across a metro track about twenty one feet above the ground or any other metropolitan landscape and immediately you want to share it with them, At night you are two peg down, And having a body ache more a heartache all you want is hug, caress and touch of that special one whom you believe does completes you, you don’t need anything more than them.

Kudrat “complex creature” who wasn’t able to keep himself from falling in love with another “complex creature” Swadha. And the best was that he strongly believed despite of all the differences of, cast, creed, age and beliefs that what set of feelings he is experiencing is exactly love or more than that. But his ego made him withdraw his feelings, butterflies in his stomach when their hands touch accidently, The rush he feels when their eyes meet, the longing and special kind of pain he has developed which was caused due to her absence.. and whenever he sees her it felt like a fairy tale. As they say “just in between of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale” Kudrat in his heart felt that the fairy is found now the tale has begun.